Part I - Things to Think About
- Read, mark, learn and inwardly digest the advice on the Private Affairs Website.
- Read it again, and pay special attention to the Philanderer's Creed, the advice on how to avoid discovery, and the extramarital giveaway habits pages.
- DO NOT start off by looking for an affair right away.
- Know yourself - do some thinking about yourself. What do other people find attractive about you? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Can you handle an extramarital affair? Can you afford an affair? Can you make time for an affair? Can you handle the risks? Can you make friends easily - and keep them? And here's a biggie... Can you afford to get caught? What will happen if your spouse finds out? Are you prepared for the worst?
- Spend a few days reading the posts on the Private Affairs Forum. Much insight may be gained here. Ask questions and really listen to what people are saying. These folks know what they're talking about!
- Now that you've done some thinking about it, if you are still convinced you want/need an affair despite the pitfalls, read on...
Part II - Finding a Lover
How to find a Lover
Study the field. Look around and see where opportunities exist. What are ways in which you currently come into contact with potential lovers in a social setting? Think about ways in which you might come into more frequent contact with potential lovers; social clubs, gyms, sports clubs, self-interest classes etc. Do you have a wide circle of friends, both married and single? If the answer to all of these questions is in the negative, then think about ways you can change that. Many have been successful using Private Affairs Personals.
Study the field. Look around and see where opportunities exist. What are ways in which you currently come into contact with potential lovers in a social setting? Think about ways in which you might come into more frequent contact with potential lovers; social clubs, gyms, sports clubs, self-interest classes etc. Do you have a wide circle of friends, both married and single? If the answer to all of these questions is in the negative, then think about ways you can change that. Many have been successful using Private Affairs Personals.
Study Your Potential Lover
So, you are attracted to someone, now what? Make contact, but be careful. Keep the contact on a purely social level at first. Discover one another's interests, try to assess whether you can trust each other because you (or both of you) are risking your marriages here. Do some "dating" (go out to lunch, go for a drink together - just have some (non-sexual) fun together!). Keep it light at first, and, whatever you do, do not come across as being "needy", or overly-anxious to push things along. Cool, calm and collected is the name of the game at this stage.
So, you are attracted to someone, now what? Make contact, but be careful. Keep the contact on a purely social level at first. Discover one another's interests, try to assess whether you can trust each other because you (or both of you) are risking your marriages here. Do some "dating" (go out to lunch, go for a drink together - just have some (non-sexual) fun together!). Keep it light at first, and, whatever you do, do not come across as being "needy", or overly-anxious to push things along. Cool, calm and collected is the name of the game at this stage.
Make your move - Taking the Initiative
If you are sure that you want to go ahead, how can you be sure he/she will? The answer, of course, is that you can't be sure until you ask. There will usually be some very strong indicators of interest that have begun to show up regularly. Take note of these. Be very sure of the kind of interest. Pay attention to where your potential lover takes a conversation. Are they being flirty? Are the conversations touching on intimate subjects? Is intimacy a common subject in every conversation? Is there physical contact when you have these conversations? (A touch on the hand or arm during the conversations?) It's important to get a serious reciprocation of feelings before proceeding further. The last thing you want to do is jump to the wrong conclusion before getting strong vibes from the other person. Extreme embarrassment for both parties is all but guaranteed if you don't nurture the relationship slowly. When it's time to find out for sure, be cautious in the buildup to the suggestion of an extramarital affair. (Don't just blurt it out. "Fancy a fuck?" very rarely gets a positive answer). You have to work up to it - you have to woo one another. Hold hands, sit close together, - in other words, make bodily contact. See how they react to it. If the reaction is positive, then build on that, slowly. If the reaction is negative or neutral, then accept that too and move on.
If you are sure that you want to go ahead, how can you be sure he/she will? The answer, of course, is that you can't be sure until you ask. There will usually be some very strong indicators of interest that have begun to show up regularly. Take note of these. Be very sure of the kind of interest. Pay attention to where your potential lover takes a conversation. Are they being flirty? Are the conversations touching on intimate subjects? Is intimacy a common subject in every conversation? Is there physical contact when you have these conversations? (A touch on the hand or arm during the conversations?) It's important to get a serious reciprocation of feelings before proceeding further. The last thing you want to do is jump to the wrong conclusion before getting strong vibes from the other person. Extreme embarrassment for both parties is all but guaranteed if you don't nurture the relationship slowly. When it's time to find out for sure, be cautious in the buildup to the suggestion of an extramarital affair. (Don't just blurt it out. "Fancy a fuck?" very rarely gets a positive answer). You have to work up to it - you have to woo one another. Hold hands, sit close together, - in other words, make bodily contact. See how they react to it. If the reaction is positive, then build on that, slowly. If the reaction is negative or neutral, then accept that too and move on.
Being rejected
There are no guarantees of success in philandering, and sometimes your advances will be rejected. It happens to us all, and to some more than others. As long as you keep it light at first, and take your cue from each other, then rejection need not cause offence and, who knows, you may remain friends even if you can't be lovers. Be polite, be sensitive, be romantic, be bold - but, above all, be yourself.
There are no guarantees of success in philandering, and sometimes your advances will be rejected. It happens to us all, and to some more than others. As long as you keep it light at first, and take your cue from each other, then rejection need not cause offence and, who knows, you may remain friends even if you can't be lovers. Be polite, be sensitive, be romantic, be bold - but, above all, be yourself.
Discuss Expectations - VERY IMPORTANT!
Once it becomes clear that you are both ready and willing to become lovers, it's time to have some serious discussions concerning what each of you wants from the relationship. You may have only a few simple ideas of what you are looking for, but even these are worth discussing. If you have no intention of leaving your marriage, and you are getting involved with either a single person or with a married person whose marital situation is dissimilar to your own, there is a strong possibility that there will be serious inequality in the relationship to the point that one person may end up wanting more than the other can give. This may not be true in all cases where marital situations are not "equal", however it is much easier to set out simple "ground rules" at the outset of the relationship, before deep emotions have developed.
Once it becomes clear that you are both ready and willing to become lovers, it's time to have some serious discussions concerning what each of you wants from the relationship. You may have only a few simple ideas of what you are looking for, but even these are worth discussing. If you have no intention of leaving your marriage, and you are getting involved with either a single person or with a married person whose marital situation is dissimilar to your own, there is a strong possibility that there will be serious inequality in the relationship to the point that one person may end up wanting more than the other can give. This may not be true in all cases where marital situations are not "equal", however it is much easier to set out simple "ground rules" at the outset of the relationship, before deep emotions have developed.
And even for those who are both in similar marital situations, discussions concerning what you do and what you do not envision in the relationship are never futile. Communication is key in any good relationship. Communication within an affair is essential to its continued existence. And remember... If you can't be good... Be Careful!!!
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